I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
smell my finger.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
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did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
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is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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