1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
