I could make wine with my vomit
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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