every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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