I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I will pee on everything he values.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
