now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
