this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
