But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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