I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
