No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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