hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
