4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
