I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
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I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
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I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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