tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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