Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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