You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i think my mom watched the whole time
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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