If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
