Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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