dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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