There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
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