He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
