so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
that's an acceptable place to lick
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
