id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
