I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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