I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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