I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
