We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
we made out on top of his cat.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
