he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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