tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
