i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
