he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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