Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
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As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
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I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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