it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
