Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
