you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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