we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
