Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
