Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
