why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
