Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
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..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
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It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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