Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
