Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
