Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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