I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize