She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I intend to get homeless drunk
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
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I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
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His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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