Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize