ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
