God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I came so hard my ears popped.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
