Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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