I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Boobs are out for the taking
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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