Is it normal to miss your booty call?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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