Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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