god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
