Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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