Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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