I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
