Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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