please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We have started to decorate penises.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
