i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
