I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
