I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I am naked and annoyed.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
