Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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