I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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