So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
