TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
