I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
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