is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
