cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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