the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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