i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
no you cant smoke seaweed
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
